Self-Awareness

The development of self-awareness is a lifelong journey. One that has been accelerated by recent events. At the beginning of the Coronavirus pandemic, I spent much of my time alone. I did not go to work, and it was considered unsafe to do many of the day-to-day things that occupied my time before. This quiet time was an opportunity for me to practice introspection. I participated in Mindful Self Compassion workshops and honed my meditation practice. This happened to be around the same time that I started working on the Master of Science in Leadership program.  Many factors have contributed to this emerging self-awareness; changes in the world around me along with a focused study of leadership have helped me grow over this last year. 

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Here I will reflect on how my level of self-awareness has changed over this last year, through the lens of the “Five Core Aspects of Self-Awareness” (Whetten and Cameron, 2016, p. 49). 

Emotional Intelligence

As a college advisor, former crisis counselor, husband, and friend I get to practice emotional intelligence on a daily basis. I self-evaluate my level of emotional intelligence as high based on the types of jobs and volunteer activities I gravitate towards. While I have had great success supporting and navigating through the emotions of others, over this last year, I had the opportunity to become more attuned with my own emotional states and reactions through mindfulness. The practice of mindfulness has helped me evolve in this regard to a great extent. Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) can be understood as the practice of treating one’s self as they would a close friend. Through the practice of MSC, I have practiced seeing myself as no different than those around me. I accept that uncomfortable emotions, as well as desirable ones, are all a part of the human experience (Neff & Germer, 2018). By becoming a master of my own emotions I can better relate to the emotions of others. 

Personal Values

"One general type of values is labeled as instrumental, or means-oriented; the other type is terminal or ends-oriented" (Whetten & Cameron, 2016, p. 54).

Growing up, I never thought about what my personal values were; however, it is clear that I made decisions that aligned with some set of values. I reflected on the times in my life when I felt most fulfilled and at conflict. This exercise helped me recognize that stewardship of my relationships and community, and connecting with candor and compassion are my personal core values. Whetten and Cameron (2016) identify two different types of personal values, which are instrumental (means-oriented) and terminal values (ends-oriented). Through this reflection, I have identified several instrumental values. These instrumental values highlight how I conduct myself in accordance with my personal values. Perhaps another exercise could help me identify my terminal values. 

Cognitive Style

Recently, my supervisor led a team-building exercise where we were to identify our “true colors.” Now that I understand cognitive style on a more technical level, I can see that the assessment was one that was designed to identify the cognitive style. These “true colors” of blue, orange, and green appeared to correspond with the creating, knowing, and planning respectively (Whetten and Cameron, 2016). I had always thought of myself as a knowing cognitive type person rather than a creating one. Over the years, the activities I’ve focused myself on have helped foster a more creative thinking style. While I still maintain my desire to analyze and understand situations in their entirety I now embrace ambiguity as an opportunity to innovate and lead creatively. Cognitive style after all is not a fixed trait but a “changeable [inclination] toward information and learning" (Whetten and Cameron, 2016, p. 59).

Orientation Toward Change

As described above, I have adopted a greater tolerance of adaptability through practice and putting myself in situations that help me develop this attribute. I have always been comfortable with change, however, the recent changes brought by the pandemic have forced me to lead further into uncomfortable situations and uncertainty. Since I cannot control the pandemic, or the actions of others, I have put more energy into controlling what I can. I believe that while I cannot necessarily control what happens to me I can control how I react to a great extent. This places my locus of control firmly internally, even when the world around me seems to be out of my control (Whetten and Cameron, 2016).

Core Self-Evaluation 

My journey with Mindful-Self Compassion and self-awareness has not been alone. I am going through it with my spouse and encouraging my workmates to participate as well. Reactions have been overall positive and have strengthened my relationships at work and at home. Several who have recognized these changes in me have asked me how they might achieve the same for themselves. As my self-awareness has changed so too has my core self-evaluation. In the past, I was less in tune with my emotions and did not quite understand what things I valued in life. Empowered with this information and a deeper understanding of myself, I feel more confident in my skills, understand my shortfalls, and can take actions to address them.

References

Neff, K., & Germer, C. (2018). The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A proven way to accept yourself, build inner strength, and thrive. The Guilford Press.

Whetten, D. A. & Cameron, K. S. (2016). Developing management skills, 9th ed. Pearson.